Tatoo on the eye?

Ok this video Just freaked me out.I cant imagine myself with lenses because Im too scared to put them on and this is like shoving an ink pen (more of a needle) into my eye?How can he even see? Yucks.

People these days need to give themselves a break seriously. People care only about the things nowadays: Money, Fashion, Bare Appearance, Uniqueness, Study, Fame, and last but not least one of the original is greed. People just want to be 1st in studies to have more money and to be the most unique. Most, Most, Most. Why cant people just settle and strive to be a better person instead? Yes these things are important but you definitely cannot place them ahead of yourselves. This is just plain wrong, And quite simply its like Sacrificing a picture of yourself in the newspaper for your life, Its like screaming Hey monster "Dont rip that piece of newspaper, Rip me instead!"

"If we do not end war - war will end us.  Everybody says that, millions of people believe it, and nobody does anything." said by H.G Wells, has some reference to this topic. We look at these people in disgust and give them nasty looks but in the end when it all matters do we actually say anything to them in their face? NO. 

Humans are becoming bad to worse. That just summarizes it all up and although my blog is supposed to be funny and meant for people to laugh i just had to say this. And as a human i am saying that i am shamed that i belong to a generation that resorts to such despicable acts like transforming themselves into some weird cartoon character.

Peace,

Bharat

The Artistic Impression

This exquisite Piece of art was created by the famous artistes, Bharat Desai and his great friend Jarren Ho in the warring age of 2008-2009. Although relatively small and scribbly it dictates how the people of that arduous time lived and survived. The foreground displays a very detailed portrait of an old granny wearing a wig. The smile on her face dictates the way the grannies at that time lived in singapore, up and about. It also uses the famous sfumato painting technique ( the Italian word for smoke ) used by Leonardo da Vinci Bharat's Famed toilet trainer. He created various other styles which is also interpreted in this wonderful exhibition of art such as the coppa affare technique ( the italian words for world affairs ). We can see this in the top right and left side of the background in which on one side is war while on the other is 5 people holding hands. Although this is supposed to mean peace and war, bharat and jarren covey a special message which is "Gang your opponent; sure win". The third and most confusing part of this exuberance is the helicopter. The Naturally powered helicopter running solely based on poo was only invented in 2120; a time when the wars were ending and there was no fuel. What is more surprising is that Bharat and Jarren the maestros were in gods land by then and this is a reason to suspect that they were chosen ones that had the powers to predict the future. However as bharat being deaf and jarren mute due to listening to excess music and being tortured in a jealousy chamber respectively they could not communicate with the world and warn them. Therefore this is the only secret that is being left to find out that decides the fate of the world: To be a successful anti-poo running empire or to be doomed under the curses of feaces forever. This is the last hope for mankind.

'someone in the background' : 

"What did we ever do to be outdone by our one evil forces of gaseous poisons! NOOOOOOO!!!"

The Lair

The Dead man walking in the demon's lair finds himself in a world of unexpectancy shrouded in a fog of uncertainty and confusion, Uncertain what to do he explores and finds vast amounts of knowlege and treasure. He walks around stumbles on many oracle bones in the shape of messy books and soccer balls. He then finds himself staring at a gorgeous picture of a baby and instantly seeks knowlege of a thousand lives.

Soon enough he finds himself in a maze of contouring books myriaded with mathematical expressions and secret profiles of great men like Nelson Mandela. He then sees one of the greatest most asttounding men of all whose name cannot be spoken but for the records, Steven Gerrard..... He gapes in awe at the leader of the english spartans,the Gods own cchosen men gathered together to form an astounding group, Liverpool FC.

His heart stops, he turns around at the sound of heavy footsteps. It is the demoon himself. But he is like no other demon; he is marvellous and cannot be described at this time for no word could describe him. He realises what he has done and realises he has to die for he has gained knowlege beyond any other. He is Whoever is reading this post.

Bird shits in reporters mouth

Hey im goin like youtube crazy right now and this is a rather popular video that is really funny

And that was That was payback for stepping on T-Bird property, thats bird turf yo.

Sazer X ending Song - Hilarious

Theees eeas agh heelariuus Veediiioo e soo on akto at Thee End uf thee prugram culd Saiza Ax.
e Jast canut stap laughiing evory taym ay see thees...



gaga goo ga lieq omg this pagee ishh soooo KOOL maaaan ! xoxoxox gaga goo ! what i yam trynaa say isdhh, hi my name ishh bharat wilde and i livee in Thomson. i yam totally hip = hop bro ! lieq i lovee this frikken pagee itsz HOT ! ai yam buzzinqq man, lolsz this is trippy bro ! weo bahh bahh bahh erbody. ohhh& before i go id like too make a shoutout too my bestest most koolest chickiesz in thaa world. Byee and Byee See Yu tamoro!!!

Free Load

Free loader. Many of us nowadays use that word without essentially realizing the meaning and the context of the word itself or experiencing one before. The proper definition as per the dictionary is to take advantage of the charity, generosity, or hospitality of others. Something terribly small like sitting in a an air conditioner room just due to the fact that there is free air-condition is actually called freeloading. You might even see signs in "Burger king" or a "Mac Donald's" that ask students not to study there as the staff may think that people are using up their space without actually contributing to the company. But persisting at something despite it being wrong is definitely a form of severe freeloading although the degree of seriousness itself might vary.

Today at approximately 2 p.m. my friend an i had a late lunch at the "K F C" outlet at Ang Mo Kio after our tution. While i was ordering my lunch a particularly Round, bald, and shabby looking man in white entered the shop and approached the counter beside me. He then proceeded to order a zinger burger. After receiving the meal he blatantly opened the packaging and ate the burger in a few messy bites. The counter assistant politely asked the man to sit down. However he did not heed the advice and asked for a cup of water. The assistant complied. Around that point of time my friend i received our meal and decided to sit nearby the action. The man gulped down the water as soon as he received it and asked the assistant for some more. This process repeated around five more time and was starting to get on everybody's nerves especially since a long queue had developed. The manager arrived at the scene and told the man that they cannot give the man so many free cups of water and that he had to move to a seat as a queue had developed. The man did not take kindly to this and started yelling in singlish "What rubbish service is this, i just asked for a few cups of water and then you treat me like this! What the hell is wrong with you people?"; he then bolted out of the room in angry frenzy. The staff, myself, my friend and all others who witnessed it were apalled and some including myself laughed at the man's ridiculous behavior.

Soon enough i had finished my meal and was returning to the counter to ask for a bag to place my cup of pepsi in it. Suddenly the same man as before dashed into the room and asked to fill his 1.5 litre bottle with cold water. The manager explained to him that they could not do that due to the same reasons as before and he had to buy something before asking for a refill. The man again burst into an angry rage and i just as before burst into a seemingly unending fit of laughter that hurt my stomach. My friend boldly went up to the man and tried explaining things to him but ended up getting a good reprimand. I quickly took my plastic bag and dragged my friend away before things got ugly. I am not sure as to what happened after that but i know for sure that the manager could have called the police if the man continued to persist with the act.

I am still in a shock and i am sure my friend is in too because that man could have paid severly for that act of stupidness.

Singapore is the Best

WASHINGTON, U.S. -- Singapore has been named the world's most globalize fine country according to a survey released here that measured such factors as cross-border fine of motorists and tourists and international fine collection.

The survey, compiled by Foreign Policy magazine and consulting firm O.T. Kidding, placed the United States 12th on a list of the 20 most global nations, noting the relative infrequency with which Americans abided by the law.

'Singapore boasts high levels of trade and heavy capital duties, as well as an annual stream of international travelers paying fine, nearly three times higher than the country's population,' Foreign Policy and O.T. Kidding said in a statement.

"With international motorists fine that totals 390 per traffic police each day, the country also far outdistances its nearest rivals in cross-border fine between people. The number of fine tickets issue to local motorists averaged 5,230 a day."

In an effort to increase the number of fine issued, the police has engaged a private organization to go around the country to fine motorists for parking at the wrong place.

Some of the most notable offenses that can be fined includes motorist traveling at 12 k.p.h., smoking outside the designated smoking zone by 3 centimeters and insufficient amount stored in the cash-card while going through an ERP gantry. The total number of offenses in the country that can be fined, totaled to 12,124, and the number is still increasing.

Furthermore, the e-commerce system in placed by the authority to collect fine payment from travelers is reported to be state-of-the-art. And according to the survey, Singapore is the only country in the world that has such a system.

"In fact, no other B2B or B2C website is able to do what this e-commerce system on fine-payment can do. This is indeed a very sophisticated system." commented O.T. Kidding.

Bravo Singapore!

Poo

The different types of poos are as follows:
Ghost Poo:You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in thetoilet. Where is it?

Teflon Poo:So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on thetoilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

Goo Poo:This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and youstill don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in yourunderwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in thetoilet.

Second Thoughts Poo:You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise...there's more to come.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo:This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come outuntil you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.

Weight Watchers Poo:You poo so much you lose several pounds.

Right Now Poo:You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get yourpants down.

King Kong Poo:This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless youbreak it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well.This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.

Cork Poo:Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there,floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?

Wet Cheeks Poo:This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than thelaunching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.

Wish Poo:You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.Cement Block Poo:You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.

Snake Poo:This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at leastthree feet long.

Morning After Poo Poo:Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn'tsmell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house(normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outsideto use the bathroom.

Mexican Food Poo:Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bumstops burning.

Boo Hoo Poo:Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk thestitches or go for the fuller figure.

English vs Singlish

The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it effectively when communicating their intentions. Just compare these few common phrases that S'poreans and Britons use to say the same thing:

When all has been sold out...
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock!

Returning a Call...
Britons: Hello, this is John Travolta. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page? or Siang Ka Pager?

When someone is in the way...
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Singaporeans: Lai, siam! or Siam ji bi! or S'kius!(excuse)

When someone offers to pay...
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Singaporeans: No need.

When asking for permission...
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?Singaporeans: (while pointing at door) Can or Not?

When asking to be excused...
Britons: If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
Singaporeans: Wah, buay ta han, ai choot liao! (cannot stand it anymore, have to relief myself)

When entertaining...
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Singaporeans: Don't shy, leh!

When doubting someone...
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Singaporeans: Where got?

When declining an offer...
Britons: I'd prefer no to do that, if you don't mind.
Singaporeans: Dowan, lah. (don't want)

When deciding on a plan of action...
Britons: What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed?
Singaporeans: Then how?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said.
Singaporeans: eh siow, ah? (are you crazy?)


At the sports arena...
Briton: I say old chap, this really isn't cricket. The umpire's really hard on him today.
S'porean: Leflea (referee) KAYU!

The Prisoners of war

3 Prisoners of war were caught by the Germans in a war. They were told that they will be shot at while they ran 100 meters.

If they survived after that they would then be set free.

So, the 3, a British, a Japanese & a Singaporean, lined up at the start.

Bang!

They started to ran like they never did before. At the 80 meter mark, the British was shot down.

Before he went down, he patriotically shouted, 'Long live the Queen' and died.
At 90 meters, the Japanese was shot. Before he went down, he shouted, 'Banzai' and died.

Now the Singaporean was at 93m, 95m, 98m, 99m... ... Bang!

He, too, was shot down.
Before he died, he shouted, 'KAYU LAH!!' One meter also no discount!'